Today I was forgotten and I am trying very hard not to make a big deal out of it.
Headache most of the evening. Too much studying and then mead on top of it.
I dislike disruption of set plans.
I made a fun pasta sauce. Which was disregarded.
Unremarkable presence.
I once read that society is held together not by remarkable individuals, the flashiest stars, but by quiet acts of good will. The regular neighborly people. The good deed to another person being the glue holding civilized society together. I find myself not being a remarkable individual, adding colour and excitement.
I am neither. Not connected to other people, constantly moving from place to place with nothing in particular anchoring me. My comings and goings only punctuated by changing the address in various apps.
I used to tell people I wanted to work on a polar research base. It was just something I said to shut teachers up. Cold, either too bright or too dark, terrible rumours about sexual assault rates. I also knew I would crash and burn well before it happened.
But now I wonder, is it possible to be lonelier in a big city than on antarctica?
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.
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